Mawage

You and me
We come from different worlds
You like to laugh at me
When I look at other girls
Sometimes you're crazy
And you wonder why
I'm such a baby
'Cause the dolphins make me cry

Well, there's nothing I can do
I've been looking for a girl like you

You look at me, you got nothing left to say
I'm gonna pout at you until I get my way
I won't dance, you won't sing
I just wanna love you, but you wanna wear my ring

Well, there's nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you
You can call me your fool
I only wanna be with you

~Hootie and the Blowfish.

To quote the great Peter Cook: Mawage. Mawage is what brings us together today. (Okay, I use this line too much...)

I am done talking about singles wards. In May, my tenure in singles wards will seemingly end in fact. "Why?" you might ask? Here is why:

Choose the single BEST answer.

1. They kick you out of singles wards when ______________

a. You turn 28.

b. You criticize singles wards on a blog.

c. You get married. 

d. You do not reach the dating quota three months in a row.

Owing to the several questions that I have had in regard to the photographer for the blog, I felt it best to try to give a somewhat complete response to such inquiries.

Here is how this post will work. I took a test this week in categorical data analysis and so I felt it fitting that this post takes on the form of a test. I will publish the answers next week. For each question, choose the best single answer.

2. "Who is the ginger on your Facebook page?"

a. Peppermint Patty.

b. Anne of Green Gables.

c. I am unaware of such photos.

d. This question can be answered using rudimentary Facebook stalking.

3. "Why is the ginger on your Facebook page?"

a. She is the reason why I am leaving singles wards in May.

b. She styles man buns for a living and I am helping her promote her business.

c. I am unaware of such photos.

d. The Witness Protection Program has requested that I post misleading photos.

4. "How did you meet the ginger?"
a. We had a class together.
b. We were in a singles ward together.
c. I am unaware of such a ginger.
d. Through systematic dating based upon well established principles of courtship.

5. "Why did you meet the ginger?"
a. In order to reach quota.
b. She styles man buns for a living. Who wouldn't want that?
c. This is a question of social economics beyond my comprehension.
d. Dating is deterministic and I went on enough dates to reach the attainment threshold. This is how you find a spouse. You go on many dates and hold hands with lots of princesses and you marry one of them. This is the only approved doctrine.

6. "When is the wedding?"
a. February 29, 2016
b. October 22, 2015
c. December 26, 2015
d. May 14, 2016

7. "Why is there a wedding?"
a. It should be pretty obvious.
b. You have to spend your millions on something.
c. Because I enjoy standing for hours on end in dress clothes.
d. That's a good question. Why do we have weddings?

8. "Who will provide the music at the wedding?"
a. Bob Dylan.
b. The Boss, singing "Whip Your Hair" with Jimmy Fallon.
c. Elvis (1950s version)
d. There will be no music or dancing. Or at least no dancing.

The Boss. Whipping his hair. With a mahogany telecaster.

9. "Are you in the witness protection program?"
a. Yes.
b. No.
c. Sure.
d. I am not aware of such a program.

10. "Where will the wedding be held?"
a. Winnemucca, NV
b. Portland, OR (or is it Maine......?)
c. Provo, UT
d. Wedding? What are you talking about?

11. "Why did you choose the date you did for the wedding?" 
a. Because I became a menace more than two years ago.
b. Marriage is best done hastily.
c. We are delaying marriage. And we like it. #BadUs.
d. We do not live in the same city. And neither of us can drop out of school.

Too bad the singles ward posts are over. We loved those!

12. "What does this mean?"
a. I now can go to church and learn about......church (?).
b. I have no idea what it means.
c. My salvation is secured.
d. All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run.

Submit your answers if you desire. You know how to contact me if you have questions. Although, somehow I think that there will not be many of you with questions since most people seem to prefer to keep a level of distance.