Finding the Answer

I have been searchin' for ten thousand years
I keep on learnin', yes, learnin' how to ease my fears
Contradictions clearly state
I'm never gonna find you before it's too late
Who could predict a poor man's fate
We gotta keep movin on before it's too late

~The Answer: Never Too Late

I do not usually comment directly on the songs I quote, but today I am going to do so. One of my associates writes about music on his blog, so this is my salute to him. You can skip this if you desire. The band listed above is new to me until recently. Maybe some of you have heard of them. Honestly I do not really plan on listening to them again. (Since I do not even listen to Led Zeppelin very often). Really the only reason I use them today is due to their apropos name and song title. In a limited sample size, I would classify The Answer as a "Led Zeppelin" knock off band from Downpatrick, Ireland. It would have been slightly better of course of they were from Northern Ireland or Scotland, but it is what it is. Nevertheless, their lead singer is essentially your typical Robert Plant impersonator and they play Les Paul guitars and Fender Jazz basses. It also looks like their drummer plays kits with two floor toms and only one rack tom. So, yeah, pretty much Led Zeppelin.

This is actually Led Zeppelin. And the guitar is not a Les Paul.
Unless you want to call the SG a Les Paul, since it technically was called that.

In order to understand the post from this week, you will need to to read the post from last week. Honestly, in order to understand this post you will perhaps more than that. That holds true for most of these posts, in fact. Anyway.

This post will be providing the answers to the test for last week. I will also be providing some commentary to the answers. As always, if you need or want to know more, you know how to get a hold of me.

Several of you suggested alternative answers and methods of taking the test. As will be shown, not every answer was C or something like that. Although, answering the same letter for every question gave some rather hilarious interpretations.

Before I begin, let me also give a sort of disclaimer: As much as most of this blog contains rude satire and philippics, the posts from this week and last week (mostly) contain factual information. Hopefully the well thinking reader can tell the obvious lies from the subtle truths. The substantive conclusions presented herein are perfectly factual.  

1. They kick you out of singles wards when ______________

a. You turn 28.

b. You criticize singles wards on a blog.

c. You get married. 

d. You do not reach the dating quota three months in a row.

C. Not much explanation needed here. Although I have been threatened with with D a few times. Luckily I always managed to find loopholes to fulfill the quota. And it was a good thing I did, since those marrieds sure as heck do not want you infiltrating their wards.

2. "Who is the ginger on your Facebook page?"

a. Peppermint Patty.

b. Anne of Green Gables.

c. I am unaware of such photos.

d. This question can be answered using rudimentary Facebook stalking.

D. "Rudimentary" is a relative term here, but even a Facebook neophyte should be able to at least extract a name and a photograph. Given, I fancy myself as somewhat of a Facebook stalking pro, but nevertheless this task should not present serious challenges to an engine with determination.

3. "Why is the ginger on your Facebook page?"

a. She is the reason why I am leaving singles wards in May.

b. She styles man buns for a living and I am helping her promote her business.

c. I am unaware of such photos.

d. The Witness Protection Program has requested that I post misleading photos.

A. See #1. (Although yes, I have also participated in answer B).

4. "How did you meet the ginger?"
a. We had a class together.
b. We were in a singles ward together.
c. I am unaware of such a ginger.
d. Through systematic dating based upon well established principles of courtship.

A. That is the official answer. This question gave several people difficulties. Alternative answers were proposed. Eyebrows were raised. Threats from foreign soils were issued. (Not all these from the same people). The complete answer to this question is rather complicated. Maybe you will hear the complete story sometime. Let me also add that--much to the chagrin of the Traditionalists--persons marking D on this question failed the entire exam. Just a matter of principle really. 

5. "Why did you meet the ginger?"
a. In order to reach quota.
b. She styles man buns for a living. Who wouldn't want that?
c. This is a question of social economics beyond my comprehension.
d. Dating is deterministic and I went on enough dates to reach the attainment threshold. This is how you find a spouse. You go on many dates and hold hands with lots of princesses and you marry one of them. This is the only approved doctrine.

I have been open in discussing the fact that there is much more that we do not know about social economics than stuff we do know. This concept is among the core topics of the blog. And again, as with question #4, D is grounds for automatic failure. Pass GO and do not collect $200. 

6. "When is the wedding?"
a. February 29, 2016
b. October 22, 2015
c. December 26, 2015
d. May 14, 2016

D. Here D is actually the correct answer. Answer A was at one point in consideration, but I decided to bag that idea once I figured out that I would not be able to win the bronze medal anyway. 

7. "Why is there a wedding?"
a. It should be pretty obvious.
b. You have to spend your millions on something.
c. Because I enjoy standing for hours on end in dress clothes.
d. That's a good question. Why do we have weddings?

A. Although D does bring up a good point. Furthermore, for the record, I have chosen to spend my latest million on some Pink Floyd gear. Or oversees investments. I have not quite decided yet.

The Fender Custom Shop David Gilmour Model.
I do not own this guitar, but I did almost win one on eBay once.

8. "Who will provide the music at the wedding?"
a. Bob Dylan.
b. The Boss, singing "Whip Your Hair" with Jimmy Fallon (AKA Neil Young).
c. Elvis (1950s version)
d. There will be no music or dancing. Or at least no dancing.

B. You had to be there. But there is a YouTube video.

9. "Are you in the witness protection program?"
a. Yes.
b. No.
c. Sure.
d. I am not aware of such a program.

C. No Comment.

10. "Where will the wedding be held?"
a. Winnemucca, NV
b. Portland, OR (or is it Maine......?)
c. Provo, UT
d. Wedding? What are you talking about?

C. The picture stands. But we will be passing through Portland on the post-victory parade. (Which sounds more celebratory than a sidereal body made of beeswax).

11. "Why did you choose the date you did for the wedding?" 
a. Because I became a menace more than two years ago.
b. Marriage is best done hastily.
c. We are delaying marriage. And we like it. #BadUs.
d. We do not live in the same city. And neither of us can drop out of school. 

D. Sadly, there are far too many people who think the answer is B. Alas, no. Answering B would result in #immediateFailure. And even though A is true, it is not the answer to this question.

12. "What does this mean?"
a. I now can go to church and learn about......church (?).
b. I have no idea what it means.
c. My salvation is secured.
d. All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better run.

B. Yeah. About that.

For those of you who want the fast key,

CDAACDABCCDB

 

Although, if you wanted the fast key, you just read through a lot of stuff you did not need to know.

As I always say, if you have further questions, you know my name and my number. And you hopefully do not need to use Facebook stalking to figure out the first.