I cannot turn to see those eyes
As apologies may rise
I must be strong and stay an unbeliever
And love the sound of you walking away
Mascara bleeds into my eye
I'm not cold
I am old
At least as old as you are
As you walk away
~Franz Ferdinand (The Band, not The Man)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you
As apologies may rise
I must be strong and stay an unbeliever
And love the sound of you walking away
Mascara bleeds into my eye
I'm not cold
I am old
At least as old as you are
As you walk away
~Franz Ferdinand (The Band, not The Man)
I'll stop the world and melt with you
You've seen the difference and it's getting better all the time
There's nothing you and I won't do
I'll stop the world and melt with you
~Modern English
Left a girl in West Virginia
Up there where that green grass grows
Yes I did
Got a girl in Cincinatti
Waitin' where the Ohio River flows
Oh, girl
I'm a ramblin' man.
Don't give your heart to a ramblin' man.
~Waylon Jennings
Left a girl in West Virginia
Up there where that green grass grows
Yes I did
Got a girl in Cincinatti
Waitin' where the Ohio River flows
Oh, girl
I'm a ramblin' man.
Don't give your heart to a ramblin' man.
~Waylon Jennings
I quote three songs above because this is a longer post and you might need two or three songs to carry you through. And, as always, they have meaning as it relates to the given topic.
If we can all get the end of this post without being offended, it will probably be a miracle. The LRSH might get burned to the ground. The kicked dog bites. Please also remember that if you think I am talking about you, in all likelihood I am not. Let's not become too paranoid now. I have very little contact with the world or any of you. It has been years since I have even seen some of the people that read this blog. Hence it is rather unlikely that I actually would write about most of you on the blog. As always, I am not trying to call anyone to repentance. This blog is ultimately about me--and me alone.
Some have asked me if this whole blog is just an enumeration of excuses as to why I have not yet crossed the threshold of matrimony. See what you want to see I guess. It does not take away from the validity of logical argument.
 |
| This will make better sense later on. |
I have already addressed in a post on March 26, 2015 some of the numeric aspects of the question of rising marriage age. Today I am going to focus on the claim that single adults are actively "delaying" getting married.
First off, let me openly admit that single adults are consciously delaying marriage. I have even done so myself. I was more socially active as a younger young single adult (i.e. 18 years of age). There were a few girls I could have very actively pursued marriage with.* And goodness, we could have been all booed up and gone through all of those beloved "hard times" that proponents of dirt young marriage love.** Or I could have served a mission. Non, je ne regrette rien.
I have employment that takes time that I otherwise could be hunting for a wife. I could quit school and work full time to find a spouse. Yet I am not quite sure I would want to marry a girl who was attracted to such mediocrity.
Nevertheless, I have long learned that it is considered better to be a darn fool and married than it is to be wise and damned. The only problem is that I am also a darn fool.
In all seriousness, I think there are single adults that do actively and inappropriately delay getting married. Hence this topic is oft addressed with some concern. Personally, I have not seen great evidence of this delay occurring, but I do live in a bubble. The issue arises, however, when we begin to think this problem is endemic among the never married. Perhaps I am just out of touch in this regard. Please also remember the topic of last week: Just because people in general society delay marriage for "wicked" reasons does not mean those from the local community are doing such.
Stories and Parables.
Here is a story. I had an associate that once considered quitting school because he was unmarried. He reasoned that if he quit school, he would find a spouse. He is now married with a kid. (Note that this is different than being married to a kid, as righteous as that has been considered at times). How did he find his wife? He went to graduate school. I guess it was a good thing he did not quit school.
My point here is that one needs to get married "when the time is right." It has never been my time. Sometimes I have had to make the decision that the time was not right. I live pretty comfortably with this. It has nothing to do with "lacking faith"*** or a desire to just have fun and avoid responsibility.
In Matthew 13 there are two parables that here are relevant: The Parable of the Treasure in a Field and The Parable of the Pearl of Great Price. In the parable of the treasure, a man discovers a treasure in a field and wisely sells all that he hath to obtain the field. In the pearl of great price parable, a pearl merchant seeks at length for a pearl and, having found such, wisely sells all that he hath to obtain the pearl. Note the one slight difference between the two parables. In the first, the man discovers the treasure in a field. It just happened. There is no mention of him digging every field until he found treasure. It just happened and when the opportunity came to obtain the treasure he took it. Understand that some people just find their ostensible alibi to heaven in a field.
However in the second parable, the pearl merchant looked for a long time for the pearl. That was what he sought, and he knew when he found it. His pursuit was not to just crank the lever at the K-mart and pull out a cheap plastic ring for a quarter. Do not show how ignorant you are about pearl shopping by thinking it is that easy. How silly it would have been for someone to question the merchant about delaying finding the pearl of great price. How inappropriate it would be to suggest that the only reason why the pearl merchant had to look for such a long time is because he lacked faith to find the pearl.
Neither method of obtaining the desired treasure was better. But the perceptive person can see the difference in the two discoveries. And note that neither 'finder' really chose his path. It just happened. Their only real duty was to be in the right place and act when the opportunity was there.
These treasure finders were ultimately subject to the timing of something larger than themselves. "Timing" is a theme I hear about often. People love to talk about "trusting in God's timing." (A true principle). But then these same people flip right around and ask me with a chiding tone why (in essence) God's timing was not 4 years ago for me. [Scoff].
Where is my Horse or my Vampy? Where's my Macintosh? Answer those questions and I will tell when my time is. Not everyone lives the starry-eyed fairytale, gazing up at the constellations. (I of course realize that few people actually have a fairytale marriage. That's why it's so odd that we promote such as reality).
I live among a good number of unmarried people. Pretty much every week I must make the following decision about a single person: "Is this single person a bad soul that needs to be reprimanded, or a good soul who needs someone to support them?" Consider asking yourself that question when necessary. For me personally, I find that giving the latter answer in the majority of cases brings both parties to a better and more meaningful sphere of existence. Please also make sure that you have a proper understanding of what it means to give support. Read a few of the words of President Henry B. Eyring, who was married at age 29. He understands what it means to be a meaningful mentor. If you think your life, purpose, and calling revolves around reprimanding others from your supposed moral high ground, you live a pitiful existence. You, sir, can go to the back of the line.
Education affects marriage age.
It should be pretty obvious that a higher percentage of people in their twenties are obtaining more education than was common place 40 years ago. And there is pretty good evidence that educated people get married later in life (Why is that.....?). Maybe this means that we should stop encouraging education. It probably would lead to lower median marriage ages, which is all half of us care about any way. And before we start to raise the "you can get married and go to school" flag, let me interject with this: "I know." Lots of people do this. It is just like how you can be in the US Navy and be married. Or how you can train for a marathon and be married. But there are few people who hear the music of The Bull--and that is why education has an effect. Whether we want to come out and admit it or not, education is only glamorous to most people once they marry it and start benefiting from the pay checks. But until then, they would rather avoid the dedication and drive it takes to truly succeed in school. Hot tubbing with the guy who has no plans is much more fun. This is why I have had people tell me to "forget graduate school and get married!" [Scoff].
But whoa, whoa, whoa you cry! "We all care about school" you say. Riiiiiiight. To quote Eliza Doolittle, "Don't tell me--show me." Until people stop bearing their testimony on Sunday about the "distractions" and evils of academics, I will continue to find it hard to believe that we actually value education. Until people stop dropping out of school to get married, I will find it hard to believe we value education. If you can be married and go to school, show me.**** Until someone asks me about school and actually cares what I have to say, I will find it hard to believe we value education. (That's in memory of el cortito). There are people in this world (righteous people even!) who would give everything they have to obtain an education that you affluent bubble heads are faking your way through. You can big talk all you want about first world problems, but that's the pump-action truth.
Education affects marriage age.
It should be pretty obvious that a higher percentage of people in their twenties are obtaining more education than was common place 40 years ago. And there is pretty good evidence that educated people get married later in life (Why is that.....?). Maybe this means that we should stop encouraging education. It probably would lead to lower median marriage ages, which is all half of us care about any way. And before we start to raise the "you can get married and go to school" flag, let me interject with this: "I know." Lots of people do this. It is just like how you can be in the US Navy and be married. Or how you can train for a marathon and be married. But there are few people who hear the music of The Bull--and that is why education has an effect. Whether we want to come out and admit it or not, education is only glamorous to most people once they marry it and start benefiting from the pay checks. But until then, they would rather avoid the dedication and drive it takes to truly succeed in school. Hot tubbing with the guy who has no plans is much more fun. This is why I have had people tell me to "forget graduate school and get married!" [Scoff].
But whoa, whoa, whoa you cry! "We all care about school" you say. Riiiiiiight. To quote Eliza Doolittle, "Don't tell me--show me." Until people stop bearing their testimony on Sunday about the "distractions" and evils of academics, I will continue to find it hard to believe that we actually value education. Until people stop dropping out of school to get married, I will find it hard to believe we value education. If you can be married and go to school, show me.**** Until someone asks me about school and actually cares what I have to say, I will find it hard to believe we value education. (That's in memory of el cortito). There are people in this world (righteous people even!) who would give everything they have to obtain an education that you affluent bubble heads are faking your way through. You can big talk all you want about first world problems, but that's the pump-action truth.
I think of G.H. I think of K.J.H. I think of Y.U.B. People who are desperate to have the financial resources to obtain a college education. People whom you would see in the shadows if you could turn your head for two seconds away from the halcyon rays of the Pollyanna and pearls existence. These are souls who know true trial. How could I possibly see these people and feel like I could stand tall knowing I threw away an opportunity that these people fought for two decades to have a chance at? This gives a whole new meaning to casting pearls before swine. Big whoop if you still have a pearl in your hand. You just threw the whole rest of the necklace into a pile of hog dung.
But I digress.
This play of education on marriage rates has even been reflected in the marriages of the presidents of the LDS Church. There are of course many other factors in play here,***** but there is a strong correlation between those presidents of the Church who were well educated and those who married later in life.
*****However I have no idea what those factors would be.
This play of education on marriage rates has even been reflected in the marriages of the presidents of the LDS Church. There are of course many other factors in play here,***** but there is a strong correlation between those presidents of the Church who were well educated and those who married later in life.
When
you block for those who also served a mission as a young man, every
college graduate who went on to become president of the Church married
after age 26. I will ignore Lorenzo Snow (attended college in the
1830s!), who was first married at age 30, due to the fact that he did
not technically "graduate" from college. There is another president of
the Church who married at age 30. I will let you figure out who he is.
But none of you were alive when he died. Unless you are 116. (If you are
116, please do not get married. You will cause the average marriage age
to go up since your dating range is 103.669 to 120.905).
Conclusion
This rant has become too long, so I am going to stop here. But I think "we" (a euphemism for "some people out there.") need to realize that marriage is not something I just go out and buy at the store. (I think I have said that about ten times now).
As
always, I cannot address all aspects of this topic of "delaying
marriage." I have said an extremely small portion of what I could say.
Maybe you have a different view on this subject. Please comment below if
you desire. No one ever really comments, so I always wonder how many people I have offended. Yet they just keep coming back each week for another desultory philippic and harangue from beneath. I know that I am radicalized on topics such as this.
However I feel that public apathy is the reason that people get away
with sloppy sociology. Conclusion
This rant has become too long, so I am going to stop here. But I think "we" (a euphemism for "some people out there.") need to realize that marriage is not something I just go out and buy at the store. (I think I have said that about ten times now).
- Marriage is a personal decision that someone else needs to consent to.
- Repeated goading of single people to get married is what leads to weirdo men proposing after the second date.
- And please stop comparing missionary service to dating. It's not the same.
- Don't foolishly think that you can get unmarried people to "stop being single" by just commanding them in a stern manner. Being single is not something I need to repent of. Take off the astronomy jacket.
- If it took you getting married to figure out that family and marriage were important, that speaks volumes about you, not me. Don't think you have a corner on all that is good in life just because you got married at some approved age.
*Although they would have been unwise to reciprocate such pursuits. Opinion.
** If you got married "young," please understand I have no problem with that. You got married when the opportunity was correct for you.
*** It is rare that I directly talk about religious principles here, but there seems to be confusion about what faith is. Faith is not a magic coin that buys whatever you want. Faith is hope or belief in something that is founded upon true principles. Occasionally I run into people who seem to think that if I just have enough faith, I could be married. But there is no "truth" that states that all men will be married by age 22. Faith in that concept would in fact be false and without root. Understand that faith is many times manifest by action, not by result. Too often I hear people say that single people must "lack faith" because they are unmarried. No. This is lack of a result. True it is that some single people also lack action. But that is not how it is for most of us. I know that the "faith to get married" is a true concept. However we oft times seem to confuse it with a magic coin, thinking that all a single person needs to do is put the coin in the machine and boom! A marriage shoots out of the slot! These are the alibi in the backyard type of people.
**** I understand that there obviously comes a point in every person's life where he or she needs to terminate his or her attainment of formal education. Not everyone has the time or resources to obtain a PhD or go to medical school. Moreover, there are obvious decisions regarding parenthood and marriage that in some situations clearly trump formal education. However, for those of my generation, insofar as you have the resources to complete an undergraduate college degree, you should maybe do so. For me, that is the end of the matter. If we are going to continue to spout the "you can be married and go to college" mantra, it needs to be adhered to. (Or does it only apply to men?) Even my great-grandmother (born 100 years ago this August) obtained a 4-year college degree. Again, not everyone has resources or opportunity to do such. But if you do have the resources, why in the world do you think it is okay to float by in life? Some of you have gone backwards. You will have less education than those three generations prior. Again, this is not for lack of opportunity. You have planted an oak tree and called it an orchard. No matter how large the oak grows, the rest of the acreage lies fallow. This is a harsh, yet ultimately telling depiction. Be careful in noting here that I am not indicating that you need to have a college degree to be a good parent. Every situation is different. However, I do think we need to change our local culture in regard to education. Note, I am speaking in generalities here. If you have your own story, then that is perfectly okay. I am not trying to shame or judge you. But, as a general observation, we have gone backwards in some regard. I will leave it at that.
** If you got married "young," please understand I have no problem with that. You got married when the opportunity was correct for you.
*** It is rare that I directly talk about religious principles here, but there seems to be confusion about what faith is. Faith is not a magic coin that buys whatever you want. Faith is hope or belief in something that is founded upon true principles. Occasionally I run into people who seem to think that if I just have enough faith, I could be married. But there is no "truth" that states that all men will be married by age 22. Faith in that concept would in fact be false and without root. Understand that faith is many times manifest by action, not by result. Too often I hear people say that single people must "lack faith" because they are unmarried. No. This is lack of a result. True it is that some single people also lack action. But that is not how it is for most of us. I know that the "faith to get married" is a true concept. However we oft times seem to confuse it with a magic coin, thinking that all a single person needs to do is put the coin in the machine and boom! A marriage shoots out of the slot! These are the alibi in the backyard type of people.
**** I understand that there obviously comes a point in every person's life where he or she needs to terminate his or her attainment of formal education. Not everyone has the time or resources to obtain a PhD or go to medical school. Moreover, there are obvious decisions regarding parenthood and marriage that in some situations clearly trump formal education. However, for those of my generation, insofar as you have the resources to complete an undergraduate college degree, you should maybe do so. For me, that is the end of the matter. If we are going to continue to spout the "you can be married and go to college" mantra, it needs to be adhered to. (Or does it only apply to men?) Even my great-grandmother (born 100 years ago this August) obtained a 4-year college degree. Again, not everyone has resources or opportunity to do such. But if you do have the resources, why in the world do you think it is okay to float by in life? Some of you have gone backwards. You will have less education than those three generations prior. Again, this is not for lack of opportunity. You have planted an oak tree and called it an orchard. No matter how large the oak grows, the rest of the acreage lies fallow. This is a harsh, yet ultimately telling depiction. Be careful in noting here that I am not indicating that you need to have a college degree to be a good parent. Every situation is different. However, I do think we need to change our local culture in regard to education. Note, I am speaking in generalities here. If you have your own story, then that is perfectly okay. I am not trying to shame or judge you. But, as a general observation, we have gone backwards in some regard. I will leave it at that.
*****However I have no idea what those factors would be.
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