Fred Rogers Gives Dating Advice

It's you I like,
It's not the things you wear,
It's not the way you do your hair--
But it's you I like.
The way you are right now,
The way down deep inside you--
Not the things that hide you.

~Fred Rogers

This song has a more of a meaning than perhaps we realize.

This is an actual picture of Mr. Rogers with his wife Joanne.

Since this blog has pretty much turned into a cross commentary on the dating paradigm, I have decided to continue the trend. Last week was a hardcore rant. Many Little Red School Houses were belittled. Owing to the conversations I have had with several people, it seemed best that today I invite a benign guest blogger on and that I stay quiet for a week or so. Today we will be learning wisdom from Mr. Fred Rogers (Famous, so not a code name). If you do not know who Fred Rogers is, you are literally too young to be on the Internet reading an inappropriate blog such as this. But if you are familiar with Mr. Rogers, please take a seat as we learn about dating from the man with the sweaters that zipped.

Picture is not meant to infer you are a gorilla.

 Let me interject quickly that I was just reminded of the fact that I once had a roommate who bore some resemblance to Mr. Rogers. He even had blue shoes like Mr. Rogers. And sweaters. Lots of sweaters. That is all. Okay. Now for Mr. Rogers' advice. 

• Be Yourself. Neighbor, you are special.  Always remember that you need to focus on what you do best. There is no one else like you. Do not worry about what the girl thinks. She might find you boring. That is okay. When she is 65 she will be glad that she married a bore. Some of you may also fear that the girl will think you are crazy. I know that when I first showed my future wife Joanne my sweater collection she later wrote in her journal that I was "in need of a good psychologist. Or maybe a lint brush." Let's just say I am glad I never informed her I talk to fish and puppets for a living. She still doesn't know about the fish. And it took me a decade to fess up to the puppets.
• Puppets. In line with the comments above, let me say something about the utility of puppets in the dating game. I was married to my wife before I really learned how cathartic talking with a puppet can be. Puppets don't talk back, they only listen. When puppets do talk, they always offer sound advice. I believe it was Ms. Cow who first told me "A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.” I would tell you what Lady Elaine Fairchild told me about marriage, but let's just say some puppets are more cynical than others.  
• Song Writing.  My college degree was in music, so I wrote most of the songs on my show. What the good folks at public television did not always realize is that many of my songs were first written as romantic tunes for girls I desired to go on dates with and eventually marry. Take these lyrics for example: 

It's a beautiful day in this neighborhood,

A beautiful day for a neighbor.

Would you be mine?

Could you be mine?...
It's a neighborly day in this beauty wood,
A neighborly day for a beauty.
Would you be mine?
Could you be mine?...
I've always wanted to have a neighbor just like you.
I've always wanted to live in a neighborhood with you.

This was written in 1949 for a girl by the name of Iola Beesly. I had been trying to convince her for some time to move into the vacant apartment above my own, but alas she found me "too thin" and "too happy."

• The Neighborhood of Make-Believe. A significant portion of my show was based in the Land of Make-Believe. You may experience a similar phenomenon in the dating world. In fact, make-believe is really what the whole dating paradigm is founded upon. This, however, can play to your advantage, as it will make the aforementioned usage of puppets easier. 
• Cornflake "Corny" S. Pecially. The resident Rockit® (rocking chair) maker in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe is a chipmunk-beaver mix named Cornflake S. Pecially. Corny is an unfortunate old fellow who never really was able to find much traction in the dating scene. A girl can only hear so many stories about oscillating furniture before she begins to long for a boyfriend with more scintillating hobbies (such as backgammon). Poor Corny even caused Daniel Striped Tiger--a truly patient soul if I ever did see one--to drift off during one of our rehearsals.
  
  Consider choosing your discussion topics carefully. A girl will be much more interested by a story with lots of excitement and intrigue than a story about your research on Californian agricultural methods of the 1960s and 1970s. Most ladies would prefer to be told about your adventures as a blazing-man-hunk who speaks gringo Spanish than hear yet another discourse about el cortito, the short-handled hoe. This does not mean you cannot be yourself. Remember neighbor, ladies are indeed looking for you to be yourself. However, they would like you to be your intriguing and suave self, not your actual self. 
•  X the Owl. X was always seeking to learn something new from his "Owl Correspondence Society." He was a rather wise old owl. Somehow he reached his 30s without being married. We considered dropping him from the show, but ultimately we decided that even on a family friendly show like "Mister Roger's Neighborhood" it would be okay to have a character who is a confirmed bachelor. This was of course pushing the envelope of propriety, but his chemistry with Henrietta Pussycat was too good to ignore.

• Calling the Ladies. One thing you may find yourself doing as a citizen of the world of dating is calling upon the ladies. Below, Lady Aberlin fields a call in the Neighborhood of Make-Believe. Sometimes calling a lady can be rather frightening. You may want to hide away someplace safe or sing a comforting song. As a younger man, before I met Joanne, I usually had to change my sweater several times just to feel ready to place a telephone call to a special lady. Mustering all my courage, I would dial her number using the olive rotary dial phone by my front door. Admittedly, I asked a few girls out using the voice for King Friday XIII. It just seemed easier that way. Ladies go for that type of thing. And remember, the ladies will love you just the way you are. At least occasionally.



A gentleman calls Lady Aberlin

• Lady Elaine Fairchilde. Lady Elaine is a very unique, self-confident, and eccentric businesswoman. Her first foray into business was "The Rapid Walking Beauty Counseling and Professional Bridesmaid School." Of course, when you look like Lady Elaine, you have to walk rapidly. After selling her beauty and bridesmaid school, she moved to the Neighborhood of Make-Believe and became the proprietor of the Museum-Go-Round. The Museum-Go-Round is a merry-go-round with a museum inside. In my own life, I have found that dating is also much like unto a merry-go-round. You want to get off, but exiting is rather impossible until the ride stops. So there you are, stuck on some oscillating hard wooden horse traveling in circles and people keep calling you "Toots." And no matter how fast or slow you want the ride to go, there is only one speed: "Slower than Desired." The similarity to the dative paradigm is rather remarkable really.

Hey Toots.

I would like to thank all of my neighbors for this opportunity to present a few of my ideas.  I close with these final words.

I'll be back, when the week is new;
And I'll have more ideas for you.
And you'll have things you'll want to talk about;
I will, too.